Welcome to 'SMBC Stories: Insights from the Journey'. In this heartfelt series, we delve into the lives of remarkable women who have embraced solo motherhood by choice. Through candid interviews, we aim to inspire, educate, and uplift those considering or embarking on this transformative journey. Join us as we share stories of resilience, courage, and determination, offering support to all navigating the journey to become a single mother by choice.
Kylie Mordle, 41
Don’t wait too long, if you wait for everything to be perfect you will never do it.
The decision-making process
What motivated or inspired you to become a single mother by choice? I had been deliberating the idea of being a solo mum for probably over a decade. I have always wanted to be a mother. During my 20s, I thought it would just naturally happen; I would meet somebody, and that little piece of the jigsaw would just fall into place. Like any 20-year-old, I had fun and didn’t worry too much.
However, I reached my mid-30s and felt completely under pressure to find someone I wanted to marry and have children with. After many bad dates and relationships, I felt let down by the dream. To be honest, I think once you get to a certain age, men are actually put off or maybe know that your time is ticking and you want children. And to be completely honest, I just didn’t meet anybody that I would want to share my life with, let alone bring up a child with. Not to say that there are some wonderful men out there; I just haven’t been that lucky.
Financially, I also knew that it would be a massive gamble. I haven’t inherited money or been given any to get on the housing ladder. Through hard graft and determination, I managed to buy a 1-bedroom flat in Bath that I’m very proud of and was saving for a two-bed for my future child. But with the house prices rising and my age against me, time was running out.
The year before my 40th birthday, I started to get the ball rolling and signed up to a local fertility centre. I started searching for sperm donors while getting fertility blood work done. I also changed my diet and took an array of supplements close to 5 years before my first IUI.
For many years before my first IUI, I invested a lot of time getting my hormones well balanced through diet, nutrition, and mindfulness. I really think this played a big part in my treatment being successful.
becoming a single mother by choice: My FERTILITY JOURNEY
What path did you take to conceive? After lots of blood work and tests, my doctor suggested I should try 3-6 rounds of IUI before I went on to IVF. He must have thought I had money growing on trees. Luckily for me, I got pregnant on my first unmedicated IUI. I was as shocked as my doctor; I couldn’t believe it had worked. I think the years I took to getting my body and hormones as balanced as possible were a major factor, as well as choosing a very athletic and healthy young Danish donor ;)
SUPPORT SYSTEMS
How did your friends and family react to your decision, and what kind of support did you receive?
My friends and family have been extremely supportive. I didn’t tell my family until around the 3-4 month mark as I wanted to be sure the baby I was carrying was okay, but knowing how well they reacted and how supportive they have been, I would have told them a lot earlier.
I found the first 3 months particularly scary and lonely. I had a few close friends and my sister who knew, and then later on, I made friends with another SMBC, Katy, who has been amazing. It’s so nice to bring up our daughters side by side and really know what it means to be a single mom by choice. Since then, she has added me to an SMBC WhatsApp group, and it’s lovely to read everyone’s messages and learn about all the individual journeys we have been on. I have had nothing but support from everyone I have met. Even those who I may have thought wouldn’t have accepted my decision as a good one have shocked me with their praises and love.
SOLO PARENTING Reflections
Reflecting on your journey, what stands out as the most rewarding aspect of being a single mother by choice?
I had no idea what love felt like until I had Anouk. Obviously, I have been very loved by my family and friends, and vice versa, but the love you have for your own child is something else. It’s unimaginable; it’s something you can’t comprehend until it happens.
I know there will be tough times ahead, and I worry financially about how I’m going to pay my mortgage and nursery fees while keeping on top of bills, etc., but it doesn’t dampen the happiness I feel every morning when I wake up to my baby girl. If anything, she is giving me more motivation and gusto for life. Since being pregnant, I have signed up for driving lessons, paid for a new roof, and decorated my flat, all in one year. Who knows what we are capable of next.
FINANCES, WORK & MOTHERHOOD
Being a single mother by choice involves unique financial challenges. How did you navigate these challenges and overcome them effectively?
I live in the UK and I am currently on maternity leave. I receive help with Universal Credit, and hopefully, a Sure Start Maternity Grant. There is a lot of help out there for single mums. They don’t make it easy, and you have to put the effort in yourself to find it all out, but there is help available if you need it. The organization Gingerbread is absolutely brilliant for advice. I’m very lucky that my boss has also been really kind and supportive about me coming back part-time.
SELF-CARE & WELLBEING
Are there specific practices or routines you've adopted to help maintain balance in your life?
I think it’s important to set a routine not only for your baby but also for yourself right from the beginning. It's really hard to carve out time for yourself, but after the 3-month mark, I started to invest more in myself by making nutritious meals instead of grabbing chocolate and caffeine, and by prioritizing sleep. During the first 3 months, adrenaline would get me through, but you can’t survive on that for long; soon the engine starts running out. I would say that eating properly and sleeping when the baby sleeps are way more important than keeping the house tidy or ensuring your photos look perfect. Also, don’t be afraid to say no to visitors. Looking back, I wish I had allowed myself more time to nurture myself as well as my baby in those first few weeks.
If anyone is struggling with sleep, the best book I was given by my wonderful friend Alex is called “The Sensational Baby Sleep Plan” by Alison Scott Wright. It may sound corny, but don’t be put off; honestly, it worked like magic. However, currently in the sleep regression months, hoping for the magic to come back at some point.
LESSONS LEARNED
Reflecting on your journey, what stands out as the most rewarding aspect of being a single mother by choice?
Don’t wait too long. If you wait for everything to be perfect, you will never do it. You actually don’t need a lot; babies simply want you, and you can give them pretty much everything they need. Don’t be fooled into buying all the mod cons; the same goes for all the fertility treatments out there. There is a market exploiting SMBCs as well as men and women going through fertility issues. Take advice from people, but choose what advice you take on board. Always, always listen to your own mind and body.
FUTURE ASPIRATIONS
Looking to the future, what are your hopes and aspirations for both yourself and Anouk? Do you have any plans to expand your family further down the line?
I really hope I bring Anouk up as a well-balanced, happy individual. I want her to be confident and independent, and not as scared of the world as I was. I would also love to travel with her and experience new places, as well as sharing places I loved growing up. I can’t wait to watch her grow and blossom; she has taught me so much already.
I would love two children, but equally I’m over the moon with my family as it stands I have the whole world already with Anouk.
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMNT
If you could share a message with women considering the path of being a SMBC, what would it be?
You can do it, and you will be an incredible mum if you have been thinking about doing this for years and you are ready to sacrifice your time, money, attention, and heart into one of the best humans you are ever going to meet.
Kylie Mordle
We hope you enjoyed this insightful glimpse into Kylie's journey as a single mother by choice. A big thank you to Kylie for sharing.
If you want to hear more empowering stories like this one, be sure to subscribe. Want to share your SMBC story? Email smbclife@gmail.com
Stay tuned for more uplifting tales from other single mothers by choice!
