Donor Conception and Disclosure: What Research Shows for Solo Mothers by Choice

For solo mothers by choice (SMBCs), one of the most important decisions we make as parents is when and how to tell our children about their donor conception. A new international survey of over 400 donor-conceived adults offers powerful insights into this question and its implications for SMBC families.

In Secrets and Lies and Donor Conceptions, researchers explored how donor-conceived individuals felt about their disclosure experience — whether it was shared openly by parents early in life, or discovered later, unexpectedly, or by chance (such as through a DNA test).

Donor-conceived adults who were told about their origins early were over three times more likely to feel positive about their disclosure experience than those who found out later or by accident

You can read a summary of the findings below or the full Applegarth study here.

1. Early, intentional Donor conception disclosure leads to greater satisfaction

Donor-conceived adults who were told about their origins early, through calm, age-appropriate, and honest conversations, were significantly more likely to report feeling comfortable and satisfied with their disclosure experience. For SMBCs, this is an important affirmation. Many solo mothers by choice introduce donor conception as part of their child’s story from the very beginning, rather than as a single “big reveal.” This research supports that approach.

2. Inadvertent or late discovery is associated with lower satisfaction

Adults who discovered they were donor-conceived later in life, or by accident (for example through DNA testing or third-party disclosure), were much more likely to report negative emotions, including shock, confusion, anger, and feelings of betrayal. The findings show that it is secrecy and loss of trust, not donor conception itself, that can make the experience more challenging.

3. Emotional comfort matters

The study measured satisfaction as emotional comfort and contentment with how and when the truth was revealed. Early intentional disclosure was strongly associated with greater emotional comfort and acceptance.

In conclusion

For solo mothers by choice, this research offers reassurance. Donor-conceived children tend to have the most positive experiences when they are told early and openly about their origins. Sharing the story thoughtfully from the start, and continuing honest conversations as your child grows, can help them feel comfortable, secure, and supported.

You can explore the research in more detail here:

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We’d love to hear from you

How have you approached donor conception conversations in your family? Has openness shaped your child’s understanding over time? Share your thoughts in the comments and let’s continue the conversation.

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